Recognition
When you hear the words, "Your child has Attention Deficit Disorder or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder," you may have one reaction: "I can't deal with this." Learning that your child has such a special diagnosis means you are parenting not only someone with unique challenges but someone who is, indeed, very special and unique. Once you get a handle on the emotions and anger, you begin to think about where you can find information and resources.
You will need those resources . . . at home, at school, in the store, at the doctor's and psychologist's office; you'll need them when you get asked why one child behaves so differently from your other children.
Strategies
Look very closely at your child. Don't just look at his physical presence. Look at his personality and his temperament; look at his sense of humor, his sensitivities and his special way of enlivening a room just by walking in.
Make note of what makes your child sit up and take notice when he's told to do something. When is he the most successful in completing a chore or an assignment? As you are making note of these things, understand that you are working to get to know your child on a much deeper level. You are trying to recognize how special he is and what a gift you have been given.
Don't let your child use his ADD/ADHD diagnosis to get out of doing schoolwork; make it clear that he is very capable of doing the work and doing it well. Do the same with household chores. He has to follow through on expectations at home and in school.
Let him know you are there to work with him as he struggles to handle his symptoms.
Find a way of viewing the ADD/ADHD that won't make it a deficit, but instead a challenge.
Acceptance
Over time, as you become more accustomed to your child's diagnosis, you realize you and your child have become a team. There are good days and bad days and times when you find yourself nagging and reminding more than you want to, but both of you work together.
You've seen your child take risks and succeed; you've also seen her fail. She has matured and grown more confident in her ability to handle new tasks and emotions. If she is a teen, and she's talking about driving and finding a job, discuss this with her and let her know that she can do these things. Then, try to step back and allow her to fill out the application or write the resume herself; sit calmly in the passenger seat when she moves the steering wheel back and forth while she's driving because she wants to freak you out. Remind her that she has to obey the rules of the road, but stay calm.
If your child is a teen and has started to date, stay on the sidelines and watch as he enters a world of new social rules, values, mores and expectations. Be available if he has questions, fears or concerns, but don't force him to answer your questions. However, if you see him start to miss the social cues being made by his dates, sit down with him and discuss them.
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